The basics
Consent means a clear, freely given yes to a specific thing, from someone able to make that decision, which they can take back at any time. Silence isn't consent. A yes to one thing isn't a yes to another. And a yes given by someone who is too impaired to decide isn't a real yes.
How cannabis changes things
Cannabis affects people very differently depending on the amount, the form and the person. Edibles in particular can take a long time to kick in and can hit harder than expected. Someone who seemed fine an hour ago may not be fine now.
That means:
- If either of you is very high, wait. Intimacy can happen another time, when you're both clear.
- If you're unsure whether your date can decide, treat it as a no.
- Check in out loud. "Still good?" is a normal question, not a mood-killer.
Consent to cannabis itself
Using cannabis is a choice too. On a cannabis-friendly site, nobody should assume a date wants to partake.
- Offer once at most. Accept "no thanks" without a follow-up.
- Never give someone cannabis without telling them, including in food. It's dangerous and wrong.
- Never pressure someone under the legal age where you are.
Talk about it before you meet
A short message before a first date clears a lot up: "Just so you know, I won't be using anything tonight," or "I might have one at home later, but zero pressure on you." It sets expectations without making it heavy.
If something goes wrong
If you feel unsafe, leave and contact someone you trust. In an emergency, call 911. Report any member who pressures you, on cannabis or anything else. Our safety page explains how.
Why this matters on a cannabis-friendly site
On a site where everyone is comfortable with cannabis, it's easy to assume more than you should. "They're 420 friendly, so they'll want to smoke." "We shared a joint, so they're into me." Neither follows. Being cannabis-friendly is an attitude, not a commitment to use, and sharing cannabis is not a sign of anything else. Consent has to be asked for and given, every time.
Recognising impairment
People show impairment in different ways. Signs that someone may not be in a state to make decisions include slurred or very slow speech, confusion, trouble following a conversation, unusual drowsiness, anxiety or paranoia, and difficulty standing or walking. If you notice any of these, the right move is to make sure they're safe and comfortable, not to move things forward.
Edibles deserve a special mention. Their effect can arrive slowly and linger for hours. Someone who took an edible early in the evening may feel very different later on. If either of you has had an edible, assume the effects may build.
Mixing cannabis and alcohol
Combining cannabis and alcohol can increase impairment beyond what either causes alone. If you're on a date where both are around, keep your intake low or skip one entirely. A sober first date is the simplest way to avoid the question.
Saying no, and hearing no
"No," "not tonight," "I'm not sure" and silence all mean stop. So does a change of mind partway through. If you hear any of them, stop, check in and accept the answer without sulking or pushing. If you're the one saying no, you don't have to explain or apologise.
It also helps to say yes clearly when you mean it. Enthusiastic consent ("Yes, I'd like that") is easier for both people to read than a vague shrug.
Talking about boundaries ahead of time
Some couples find it helps to talk about expectations before they spend an evening together, especially if cannabis might be involved. You can keep it casual: "I'm happy to share a joint later, but I want to keep things slow tonight." Saying it early means nobody is guessing later.
Looking out for each other
Good dates look out for each other. If your date has had too much, help them get home safely, stay with them if they're unwell, and call for help if needed. In an emergency, call 911. Being a decent person matters more than any plan you had for the evening.
The rule on our site
Pressuring anyone to use cannabis, or to do anything intimate, breaks our community rules. So does giving cannabis to someone without their knowledge. Members who do either face removal. If it happens to you, report it, and if you're in danger, get to safety first.
Resources
If you've experienced sexual violence, support is available. Local sexual assault centres operate across Canada, and in an emergency 911 is the number to call. Our safety page has more on reporting and getting help.
Signs someone may be too impaired
Everyone reacts to cannabis differently, and the same person can react differently on different days. Watch for confusion, slurred or very slow speech, trouble standing, anxiety or paranoia, dozing off, or not following the conversation. If you notice any of these, intimacy is off the table for the night. Make sure they're safe, get them water, and if they seem unwell, call for help.
If you're the one who's had too much
It happens, especially with edibles. Say so. Sit somewhere comfortable, drink water, and let your date know you need to slow down for the evening. A considerate partner will understand. If you feel very unwell, ask for help or call 911. There's no shame in it, and it's far better than pushing through.
When ages differ by province
If you're dating someone younger, remember that the legal age is 18 in Alberta, 21 in Québec and 19 elsewhere. Offering cannabis to anyone below the local legal age breaks the law, regardless of what's legal back home for either of you.
If you're unsure, wait
There's never a downside to waiting until you're both clear-headed. If it's right, it'll still be right tomorrow.
Consent in long-term relationships
Consent doesn't stop mattering once you're a couple. A partner who agreed to something last month hasn't agreed to it tonight, and that's especially true if one of you has consumed. Couples who share cannabis often settle on simple house rules, like "we talk about anything new while we're both clear-headed," so that nobody has to make big decisions in the moment.
Being a good bystander
If you're at a gathering and notice someone who seems too impaired being steered somewhere private, it's okay to step in. A simple "Hey, are you okay? Want to come get some water?" can interrupt a bad situation. Check in with the person directly, stay with them, and help them get home safely or call for help if needed.
Medical use and consent
People who use cannabis medically are no less able to consent than anyone else when they're clear-headed. Don't make assumptions in either direction. The same principle applies to everyone: if someone isn't in a state to decide, wait.
Helpful resources
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual violence, local sexual assault centres across Canada offer confidential support, and in an emergency you can call 911.
When you've both been drinking or consuming
If neither of you is fully clear-headed, the honest answer is that tonight isn't the night for anything new. Say so out loud ("let's save this for another time") so the decision doesn't sit with just one person.